These Masks We Wear
by thisnameissatirical
Summary: Ben Solo and Kylo Ren were not one in the same. Ben was weak, and Kylo was powerful. Ben was scared, and Kylo was brave. Kylo Ren was the mask that Ben Solo wore, until the mask ate everything Ben was. Or; what happened to Han and Leia's baby boy from the discovery of his Force ability up until the beginning of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
1. The Son

**When I watched Star Wars: The Force Awakens, a lot of questions rose in my brain. The main one, however, was WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO BEN SOLO TO TURN HIM INTO KYLO REN?!**

 **So here's my take on it, before 2017 when the next movie comes out.**

* * *

Chapter One: The Son

The new Jedi Order, led by Luke Skywalker, was small and almost insignificant. Far off in the Outer Rim, children of all sorts that were born Force-sensitive were guided to the tropical climates of Yavin 4- most were young, with barely tapped in potential to the Force, some were older and more experienced, inexplicably drawn to the planet. All of their fates, however, rested in the hands of the sole remaining Jedi Master Skywalker, who realized he may have taken too much to handle when young Ben Solo was sent to his Jedi Praxeum.

Ben, 6 at the time his full Force potential was revealed, was transported from the Republic, where his parents resided to the Jedi Academy with haste that Leia Organa immediately regretted and Han Solo subtly ignored. Han, for his credit, didn't entirely question Leia on her choice to send Ben off to be taught by her brother- he threw in a few 'Do you think he's really _ready_ 's and some 'Personally, I always wanted to teach him to fly's for good measure, but Leia was like a rock; thoroughly immovable.

There was also the issue of Ben's insatiable interest in Leia's family- her _blood_ family, in specific, her father. Ben knew of what and who Anakin Skywalker-turned-Darth Vader-turned-Anakin Skywalker again was, in the sense of any six-year-old and their knowledge of galactic history. He knew that this man, this enforcer and Jedi and Sith all rolled into one, was his grandfather, and Leia sorely regretted telling him. Since his discovery, Ben asked for nothing but stories of the Empire, and demanded that Uncle Luke tell him about the battles on the Death Star and on Bespin, and he thirsted for any facts he could obtain about the man he never knew but wished he did.

Luke all but ghosted around the topic, telling Ben the _truth_ but in the vaguest sense of the term- and Ben was satisfied, satisfied with just _knowing_ about him and never had any of the family seen the boy so enraptured with anything than he was with stories about Darth Vader. Of course, Luke mentioned how his father had saved him, and how he ultimately turned from the Dark Side to the Light once more in the process of throwing the Emperor off the bridge and into the depths of the second Death Star, but the knowledge that Vader was good once more didn't seem to even phase him.

This, of course, worried his parents- Leia, especially, for she saw all of the torment that Vader had forced upon her and her family, and witnessed first-hand the complete destruction of Alderaan by her father's hands. She saw Vader, but not only that, as she also saw Anakin Skywalker in Ben. So, Leia made the decision to send her son off to study with Luke. She refused to even think her boy, her only child, would be seduced by the Dark Side like her father, no matter how much she foresaw it happening.

When Ben found out he was Force-sensitive, he was elated- over the moons with joy. And, much to the disappointment to virtually everyone around him, his first reaction to his abilities was, "I'm going to be just like Granddad!"

* * *

"You're going to train," Leia said, "With Uncle Luke. To harness your powers." She sat with Ben in the gardens of her palace in Hanna City on Chandrila, the capitol of the New Republic that round of elections. Her son, ever the innocent 8 year old boy he appeared to be, was focused on the novelty of the pink and purple flowers growing, intertwined with the carefully trimmed hedges and trees and barely listened to his mother.

"Ben." Leia tried again, and her son grasped at the petals of a flower and ripped them off, "Ben!"

"What?" He asked, his voice petulant and annoyed, his chubby fists gripping tightly around the petals.

"This isn't your play room, Ben, you can't just destroy everything you touch." Leia stood, brushing her robes free of clingy grass and specks of dirt. She refused to change her behaviour, no matter the fact that she was wearing her senatorial clothing while taking her son for a walk in the gardens of the Senate.

"Why not?" He asked. For a moment, Leia forgot how worried she was for him and his future and smiled at his wide brown eyes and his confused and innocent tone.

"Because it isn't yours. Imagine you owned the galaxy, you'd be able to do anything you want with it- but since you don't, you can't just go around, say, destroying moons, now, can you?" Leia reasoned, kneeling on her knee before Ben. He stared at her, processing the information to the best of his abilities, before shrugging.

"If it's just a moon, then, I don't see the problem." Ben argued, crossing his arms.

Leia frowned and placed her hands on Ben's shoulders and spoke gently, "Ben, I need you to listen." At Ben's nod, she continued, "You're going to go train with Uncle Luke, okay? You're going to go live in a temple with other kids just like you, and you're going to learn how to be a Jedi."

"Just like Granddad?" He asked, his voice full of admiration and hope. He didn't realize that he'd be sent away from his parents, from the influence of Han and Leia and his fate rested solely in the hands of her brother. If he failed to hinder the seduction to be like Ben's hero, Leia didn't know who would.

Leia swallowed thickly, forcing the memories of the torture sessions she had unwillingly submitted herself to down, "Just like Granddad."

* * *

"You sure you don't wanna just… Stay here, with us? You could learn how to fly the _Falcon_ and-" Han started, practically yelling from his position on said ship, his voice barely carrying above the sound of sparking and music blasting and Chewie's annoyed grumbling. Ben sat on one of the wings of the _Millennium Falcon_ while Han and the Wookie made some last minute adjustments to their bucket of bolts before taking off again, Force knows where.

Chewie interrupted Han's yelling with a loud growl, and Han threw his hands up and removed his goggles, "Don't tell me to stuff it, fuzzball! I'm just offering another opportunity for the kid, in case he didn't want to be a Jedi."

"I do!" Ben yelled over top of the music.

"What?" Han yelled back. Ben pouted, jutting his lower lip out, and absentmindedly kicked his feet against the _Falcon_ , causing Chewie to roar at him. The boy abruptly stopped.

Han huffed and leaned over, pressing his hand against the speakers he had sitting up on the ship, causing the atmosphere to go deathly still and silent. Han even set aside the tools he held in his hands and Chewie decided that now was an opportune time to leave the father and son alone.

Now, Han was never one for serious talks- He remembered his last coherent memory before being frozen in carbonite on Bespin with Leia and how she had told him she loved him… Who replied with 'I know'? As the master almost talking their way out of anything, and being a well-known smuggler in the Outer Rim and Core planets who prided in wordsmithing, there was always the uncomfortable atmosphere of a serious conversation that Han found his tongue tying up in and whatever spanned between the space in his brain and what came out of his mouth managed to mess up every serious conversation he ever had royally.

"I said I want to be a Jedi, father." Ben said, his voice so firm for someone who was so young.

"But… Why?" Han asked, leaning back and resting his arm on his knee, "You know I wasn't one, obviously, and your mom wasn't. What's the appeal?"

Ben raised his eyebrows and looked at Han in a way that practically screamed 'you're asking me _this_?', "Everything! The lightsabers, the Force, father! I… I _need_ to go learn what Uncle Luke can teach me! Please, please let me go."

"I'm not keepin' you here, kid. You're one of the wizards, like Luke and his dad, so you gotta go see what you can do." Han said. Inwardly, he was disappointed- his only son, the boy that probably would be his only child _ever_ , so willing to leave him and hide out on some Outer Rim planet with a bunch of wizard-y children, "Would you still wanna learn how to fly the _Falcon_? Luke won't object to having us come visit you, so you could come with me for a bit, you know, if you wanted."

Ben shrugged half-heartedly and played with the seams on his tunic, "Yeah, I guess."

At Ben's reaction, Han's heart practically broke. Outwardly, though, he just laughed it off, "Yeah, I guess flying isn't for everyone, huh? Some of you kids nowadays like to wave glowing sticks in the air and push things around with your mind."

Ben stared at his father incredulously, finding his description of the Jedi lifestyle appalling. He didn't say anything, however, and just smiled.

* * *

"Do you worry about Ben Solo?" Luke asked, his voice betraying the nauseated feeling he felt from the Force each time he gazed into it for the future of his nephew whereas his face remained impassive and cool as ever a Jedi should, "The Force surrounding him feels… Corrupted."

Obi Wan Kenobi's Force ghost shimmered into visibility in front of Luke, who sat on the temple floor on Yavin 4, cross-legged, eyes closed, and stared down at the new and only Jedi Master. The children, in the rooms surrounding him, were fast asleep on their mats and payed no attention to their Master's conversation in the meditation room of the temple, leaving Luke a decent amount of time to get his fears off of his chest to an old friend and trusted ally.

From his training, Luke was able to tap into the Force and call upon any of the old Jedi Masters (including his father, though Anakin was harder to reach, likely due to his corruption before his turn to the Light) at any point in time he wished. Generally, Obi Wan was open to conversation, especially if Luke searched for guidance in the ways of the Force and as to how he wished to train the children he held under his roof.

"I have not checked on him in a while, Luke," Kenobi stated quietly, "But your thoughts betray you. I feel the corruption you feel."

"His future is so uncertain, and I can't tap into anything that would help me see what he is to become." Luke replied, "He's coming here, Master, Ben's coming to train with the rest of us."

"I trust he will become powerful." Kenobi said, "You will lead him properly."

"That's why Leia and Han… Well, mostly Leia, decided to send him here. He needs training desperately- he's obsessed with my father." Luke sighed, looking up at the Force ghost of the Jedi Master, who appeared deep in thought, "And not Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker, but the Imperial dog that was Darth Vader."

"That is… Troublesome." Obi Wan replied.

"But Ben's only eight, now." Luke said thoughtfully, "We have a lot of time- _I_ have a lot of time to help him. I want him to see the true ways of the Force."

"I trust you would be able to do so, Luke." Kenobi smiled, tentatively passing a celestial hand over the Jedi Master's shoulders, "You will teach him well, like you have been doing with all of these children. They are learning well."

"Thank you, Obi Wan." Luke bowed his head and grinned, "I'll turn to you if ever I require more guidance."

"I will always be here, I have not anywhere to go." Kenobi joked, before vanishing completely, leaving Luke alone with his thoughts, and the faint sound of snoring.

* * *

Ben remembered his parents fighting the evening before his father and Chewbacca were scheduled to transport him to Yavin 4 for the rest of his life- Ben wasn't really _educated_ on the lifestyle of the Jedi. When would he be done his training? He remembered that his Uncle Luke often told him that the life of a Jedi involved constantly learning. Ben, even at the age of 8, knew he absolutely didn't want to be a nomadic student when he was 50 and older. He knew that his father didn't want that either.

He believed that was what the argument was about.

Sneaking out of his room mere hours after he was sent to bed, for reasons he didn't quite know why- it was some sort of urge, something similar to the Force he was so abundant in, the thing he was being sent away to train- he heard his parents screaming something fierce at each other in their room. The droids, an R2 unit that wasn't R2D2, and something similar to a ball with a head, casually beeped at each other, before taking notice of the child who was strolling around the halls, and the ball thing rolled into Ben's leg, causing him to swipe at it and press a finger to his lips to hear what his parents raged about… Not that it was difficult.

"I don't want him to leave!" He heard his father yell, urgency in his voice, "Something is different about that kid! Sending him away for Force knows how long… That can't be good for a kid like him."

 _Like me_? Ben thought, his eyebrows furrowing together. _What do they mean_ , _like_ me?

"It's the perfect solution, Flyboy!" His mother replied, sounding frustrated, "Imagine how he'd be if he… If he roamed the kriffing galaxy with _you_ , leaving him vulnerable to the Dark Side of the Force! He wouldn't learn anything, and you _know_ how he is with Vader, as it is!"

Ben felt a small amount of joy, hearing his mother acknowledge the man he looked up to so much.

"That's what I mean, Your Worshipfulness," Han exclaimed, and Ben thought: _Your_ Worshipfulness... _What_? Han, however, continued, after Ben's mother scoffed at the nickname, "If we take the kid away from the Force, then he should be fine!"

"You can't take the Force away from the kid." Leia replied, her tone sad, "He'll find a way."

There was a beat, a pause of silence that allowed Ben to reflect on what he heard- His parents… Were afraid? For him? He didn't understand, his eight year old brain not wrapping around the concept of his fascination with the Sith Lord that was his Granddad, and how it could lead, ultimately, to his downfall.

Instead, Ben found himself annoyed with his father and how Han seemed so… _Possessive_ over him. Refusing to allow him to control his strange and confusing powers. Ben felt resentment for the first time against his father, and scowled.

The ball droid rolled into his leg again, and Ben practically snarled at it, kicking it away in childish fury. The droid beeped loudly, alarmed, and rolled away in a haste, bumping into the R2 unit and the walls. The R2 droid replied with a series of annoyed blooping and his parents fell silent at the noise.

They emerged from their room to see Ben furiously glaring after the ball droid and the R2 unit, his heart pounding wildly in his ears.

He barely heard his mother whisper to Han, "Do you see what I mean about his temper?" She then gasped loudly, almost seeming fake, and ran over to Ben and wrapped her arms around his small shoulders.

"Ben! What are you doing _up_?" She demanded, her tone accusing, but still gentle. Somewhere in his mind, Ben felt a decent amount of hatred for _her_ , too, and how she could act like she said nothing _wrong_ not two minutes past.

"Couldn't sleep." Ben mumbled, his face pressed against her shoulder, his hands curled into small fists.

Han stared at him for a good moment, before turning away as if he saw something in the eight year old's eyes that bothered him and stalked off. Ben hadn't the slightest idea where.

Leia, it seemed, also ignored Han's departure, and instead stood, wrapping her hand around her son's, gently pulling him back to his room, "Come on, let's get you back to bed. Do you want anything? A glass of water, or milk?"

Ben shook his head, and crawled in his bed. Leia tucked the comforter around his body, under his chin, and pressed a small kiss to his forehead. Through the Force, with what little control he had, Ben focused on his mother and felt what seemed like worry pulsating through into his mind. Ben bit his lip and turned over onto his side so that his back faced his mother.

He didn't understand… Why were they so worried about him?

He couldn't understand.

What was so _wrong_ about the Dark Side?

* * *

The next morning, when Han and Chewie were supposed to give Ben transport to Yavin 4 for the start of the rest of his life to be dictated by rules and peace, the boy wasn't surprised to find that Han had flown the proverbial coop. Leia was enraged, snapping off on the comlink about how she would need to take the day off because her son's _lousy father_ wasn't around to take him off Chandrila.

Ben found himself staring at the docking station, his eyes searching for the _Millennium Falcon_ that he had grown accustom to seeing, that seemed to be a staple in Ben's strange and changing life.

Instead, he saw nothing.

For the second time in his short life, he realized he felt a great resentment towards Han Solo.

* * *

 **Honestly, I can't see redemption in Kylo- What kind of person would turn to the dark side because of some sick obsession with their dead grandfather? What kind of guy kills his dad and then just kind of... I dunno, it seemed to me he brushed it off? And, if he's to 'complete his training' because he severed ties with his father by killing him, he's only going to get darker.**

 **Which, I mean, I kind of appreciate. It's been a while since a principle character in the Star Wars franchise was evil just for the sake of being evil.**

 **Warning: Use of EU stuff!**

 **I want this story to be a kind of twisted narrative- the first chapter is relatively 'sane', and the rest get progressively darker because Ben is seduced to the dark. I'd rather like to see this story go up to the beginning of SW:TFA, but I also want to add another small vignette at the end where Leia and Kylo meet again after his pa's death, with Kylo as a prisoner of the Resistance. I also want to make it** ** _plausible_** **, because a dude like him isn't going to get captured too easily.**

 **Either or, I really needed to start something about this. I'm working on the second chapter right now, so hopefully it goes up soon! Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Dreams of the Weak

**God, I love writing whiny, pre-pubescent Ben Solo so much. Almost as much as I love Kylo Ren himself. Ah yes, my evil husband.**

 **Oh- and the OCs that are introduced briefly are of literally no importance. They all die in the attack on the Jedi temple. I just needed some more 'personalized' Jedi kidlets running around for future chapters. (It's okay, I hate them too).**

* * *

Chapter Two: Dreams of the Weak

Ben Solo was a quick learner. He picked up knowledge, storing it immediately, and tapped into his reservoir during duress. He was particularly adept at manipulating the Force, and he showed his skill at the ripe age of 6 until his current age of 16. 10 years had passed- He had spent much time in the Jedi Academy, watching Master Skywalker train the older children until he was one of them, practicing with his lightsaber that he had fashioned out of crystals that grew naturally in a cave on Yavin 4 with blaster machines and manipulated his surroundings to best fit to his needs.

But Ben Solo felt weak.

The other teenagers around him, in his eyes, were much more powerful than he. A 14 year old Togruta was quite adept in staff combat, and managed to utterly destroy Ben whenever he was pitted against her in a duel. She showed mercy, once he was on the ground, and each time offered to help him up with a small, peaceful smile on her face and one hand extended out to him. Each time, he smacked it away, and growled out something insulting towards her before stalking off and Force throwing rocks into trees or small game.

A 17 year old human boy was worse. Since they were in the same age category, they trained together, lived in the same rooms and spent the majority of their time in the same vicinity as each other. His name was Wix, and he was the most obnoxious individual Ben had ever met- which the boy thought he could turn to his advantage. No matter how often they dueled, Wix gained the upper hand and held his saber to Ben's throat, gloating, "Not so tough, are you, buddy?"

There were more, of course, but thinking about them made Ben's head hurt and his ears pound with hatred and barely concealed envy.

"Why am I so _weak_?" Ben roared, lashing out with the Force around him and shattering twigs and stones and causing small animals who were, before, peacefully running around him to run and hide in other parts of the jungle. Ben heaved, his hands clenching at his sides, staring at the mess he had made of the clearing he stood in.

Something about destruction always managed to calm him down. He figured it was the idea of control over the thing he was destroying- no matter what happened, he was the one who gained the upper hand. There was no mockery, no pity in the faces of broken machinery or crushed pebbles.

Ben sank to his knees and ran his hands over his face, still breathing heavily. He felt sweat bead on his forehead, his shaggy brown hair matted and clinging to his skin. He was so overexerted… After one outburst? Kriff, he really _was_ weak. He stared at his hands, his tunic, and wondered if he was meant for the lifestyle of the Jedi- they were taught to control their emotions, to harness their inner peace and not their rage or their fears, of which Ben was abundant in.

Not for the first time that day, he wondered what his Granddad would have done. Not the Jedi Master, not the Chosen One of the Force, but the Sith Lord Darth Vader. He wondered how he chose the Dark Side, he wondered _why_ he had chosen the Dark Side- Ben held nothing but respect for the man so many feared.

Now _that_ was a man to look up to, to hold to a high esteem. He was powerful, completely unopposable, his name spoken in hushed tones around the galaxy as to not rouse his awareness. He walked (even doing a mere action such as walking invoked terror) and his lieutenants and admirals gave him such a wide berth so that they had to admire him from afar.

 _That_ is what Ben wanted- he wanted power, and the ways of the Jedi weren't giving him what he wanted.

Ever since his mother told him who his Granddad was, Ben knew who he held as a hero. He realized his fascination, his borderline obsession, frightened most individuals who knew- including his father, who refused to talk to him because of his admiration for the man who tried to kill him so many times during the war. His _father_ , who had _vanished_ because of his fear of his son- oh how Han Solo had failed him by leaving! He was gone the morning his son was expecting him to fly him to this damned Jedi temple in the middle of nowhere because Han couldn't handle the idea of Ben being enamoured with a _different_ path, a different lifestyle. Ben felt his anger rise once more, and he snarled, Force throwing a pebble into the water with such urgency he realized he had killed a fish.

Ben was positive some of his peers at camp knew about his admiration. Clearly they all knew his lineage- everyone now knew that Leia and Luke were the children of the fearsome Darth Vader (as Luke preached it as a warning to fall to the Dark Side) and they knew Ben's mother was Leia herself. Sometimes Ben noticed the sideways looks of fear his peers gave him, and he chose to ignore them. Sometimes, Ben saw the uncertainty in their eyes while they dueled, before striking out of anger because Darth Vader had done something to wrong almost everyone in the galaxy, so why shouldn't they take it out on him? It wasn't as if they could have done it to _Vader_ without being killed in the process. It wasn't as if they'd ever lay so much as a finger on Leia because she was a Rebel, a member of the Alliance and _saved the damned galaxy_. Ben noticed, as well, the looks his Uncle Luke gave him- the looks that made Ben shiver because it seemed that Luke was staring right through him and into the deepest pits of his already blackening soul.

The Jedi weren't enough, Ben decided. If he wished power, if he wanted to be like his idol, he would find other means.

The Dark Side was always looking for willing recipients.

"Ben?"

Ben jumped, and stood up, turning around immediately at the voice that called his name. It was the Togruta girl- Her name was Yonda, or something similar. Ben didn't bother himself getting close to the children he spent the majority of his time with, and refused to care about them for he knew they didn't care about him in the least.

"What?" He snapped, ashamed for showing her such a moment of weakness.

"Master Luke wants you to return. We are starting up duels again, if you'd like to join." Yonda suggested in her serene voice.

Ben nodded once, and fell into step beside her. She was much shorter than him, and he entertained himself by thinking of the ways he could over power her in a close up duel. She was weak, physically, and relied on the Force too much to give her an extra oomph in her saber swings. If he managed to break her guard, and separate her from her sabers, he could easily just… _snap her neck._

Where in the galaxy did _that_ come from?

Ben knew for a fact that the voice in his head that said that was not the one he normally heard in his head. Who spoke…?

He realized he had stopped walking when the Togruta turned around at looked at him with wide blue eyes, "Are you coming?"

Ben nodded, still bewildered.

 _Snap her neck._

Ben ignored the foreign voice in his head and continued on back towards the temple. He realized, if he desired, he could have chosen to talk to Uncle Luke about the mysterious and sinister voice he heard in his own mind, but instead, he merely entertained the ideas of doing what it suggested and left it alone.

The repeating of the hiss in his mind almost soothed him. It made him realize he wasn't alone in his anger.

They strolled out of the clearing and towards the temple. Ben often took note as to how… Hideous it was. He realized it used to be something majestic, but the stone that constructed the temple was weathered and some pieces had fallen to the ground, the elements affecting the monumental obelisk that was once upon a time the epitome of Jedi culture. Ben knew he didn't like it much, as it seemed like a decrepit relic trying to regain its former glory.

In front of the temple stood Master Luke in the center of numerous Padawans, all standing in a circle around him, their feet planted on the ground and their eyes all wide in fascination as Ben's uncle demonstrated the many forms of lightsaber combat. He narrated his movements, allowing the children to copy what he was showing.

Ben was unimpressed- not because he didn't appreciate his Uncle Luke's skill in the craft he had mastered, but Ben reasoned that there was absolutely no certain way that any of them (and this _included_ Ben) could learn how to fight simply by watching. The Master was to train the Apprentice- you learn by doing, not by seeing.

Ben learnt the best when he fought his fellow Padawans- he learnt their moves, their reactions, their favourite attacks, and despite the fact that he continuously _lost_ , he gained knowledge about them. He was better at manipulating the Force than anything else, and he felt powerful knowing that he had at least a bit of an advantage over the individuals he trained with… Even though he was still weak.

Ben and the Togruta girl joined in the circle and Luke flashed Ben a glance, letting him know that he both was aware of his temper tantrum in the clearing, as well as the brief moment of hesitation he felt upon returning. Damned Force- Uncle Luke always seemed to know what was up with him, no matter how elusive he was around the temple.

"Ben, I'm glad you could join us. Yonda, thank you for finding him." Uncle Luke smiled at the alien and turned towards Ben, deactivating his lightsaber, "We'll start the duels now, if you all want."

There were cheers of agreement from the Padawans, and Ben looked down at his feet, rolling his eyes. The majority of his peers sat down, cross legged, facing towards the center of the small arena Uncle Luke had christened for the temple. Ben joined them on the ground, staring at his hands, focusing on the whispering in his head.

* * *

Ben woke up on what appeared to be an Imperial Star Destroyer- he only knew this from what he saw on the data banks from his mother's files, or else he'd have had no idea where he was standing. It seemed to be a command station, or a port, where control panels lurked beneath a platform that lead to a large section of windows. Wires and piping lined the ceiling, and red lights shone ominously down on him, casting the command station in a faint ruby glow. The windows lined the front of the ship, and Ben absent-mindedly wandered towards them, staring out at the vast blackness before him, a blackness speckled with stars and in the center was a large blue and green planet surrounded by many moons. He knew the planet- He knew that planet by heart, for it was the one he was on at this very moment… Or, he thought he was. Ben remembered going to _sleep_ on Yavin 4, in the Jedi temple.

Perhaps this was a Force dream, or a vision.

Ben had to admit, he liked the feeling of power, standing in the port of an Imperial ship, staring at the planet that looked so insignificant from his position way up in the sky. He wondered what it would have been like, had he had a crew, and lieutenants and officers. He imagined it would be a bustling, almost miniature city- Ben fantasized _he_ was the one they were all listening to, that _he_ was the commander of this ship.

In a moment, the officers and personnel he had imagined materialized in the Star Destroyer, lining the bridge and control panels, all wearing crisp black uniforms with some sort of insignia stitched onto their shoulders- it resembled what used to be the symbol of the Galactic Empire, but it was simpler, more crude. It, to Ben, appeared to be an explosion. Ben found this fitting.

All of the individuals on the ship had their eyes trained on him, and Ben felt… Slightly overwhelmed. They were looking to him for guidance, to him for orders, and they spoke not a word, although Ben knew he looked weak and young in the faces of these men and women. He glanced down at his Jedi robes, his shabby and bland tunic and he knew he had dirt on his face and hands from the duels he had found himself in earlier that day.

He stared, with such longing, out the windows from his spot at the head of the room.

"I sense your desire, young Solo."

Ben turned around sharply, hearing the same voice he heard in his head coming from behind him in the Star Destroyer; in his dream.

Before him stood a man- if he could even be called that anymore. He seemed humanoid, but Ben had never seen such a disfigured man in his life. He was tall, taller than the boy (who already stood taller and lankier than most), and wore plain black robes draped over his thin body. His face- oh, Force, Ben felt pity for this man despite not knowing who in the world he was. He appeared burnt, and as if chunks of his skin had been ripped out of his skull in a long line that went from the very back of his head at the nape of his neck to the middle of his forehead. The skin around his jaw seemed to be holding on by misplaced bacta patches and grafts, as if he was recovering from a battle, or attempting to reduce the scarring. His hands, with long fingers, grasped the railing of the bridge forcibly, as if he was having trouble walking and standing up straight.

Ben forced himself to meet him in the eye, and was shocked at how black they were- like the depths of space, with no light shining through them.

"Who are you?" Ben demanded, "You're the same voice who has been whispering in my head."

The man chuckled, a dry, rasping sound, and his body contorted around the movement ever so slightly, "Indeed."

Ben took a step forwards, " _Who are you_?" He almost shouted, his fists clenching and his heart pounding wildly with fear and excitement in his chest.

"My name is Snoke." The man said, calm radiating from him. Ben, however, felt tense, as if this sickly creature was testing him, and he heard the pressure radiating behind his nonchalant demeanor.

"That name means nothing to me." Ben snapped.

"I expected as much." Snoke replied, stepping forwards, using the railing as a guide, "Your worthless Jedi _Master_ would have avoided this subject all together."

Ben didn't defend his Uncle Luke, and instead felt a sort of comradery with the disfigured humanoid- he didn't _hate_ the Jedi, but he knew he wouldn't succeed anywhere while he was in their order. Ben knew he wanted more- he didn't know where to find it, though. Perhaps Snoke had a solution to his problem.

"How long have you been training there?" He asked, rather casually for an intruder in Ben's dreams, "You seem… Incompetent."

"I am _not_!" Ben yelled, throwing his hand out from his side in anger, the railing on the opposite side of Snoke bending and twisting with a powerful display of the Force.

"Your abilities stem from your emotions…" Snoke continued, as if Ben hadn't screamed at him or destroyed a portion of a railing in this dream world, "You continue to fail, time and time again, in the Jedi Order."

"I don't!" Ben gnashed his teeth together, "I am _not_ weak!"

At this, Snoke appeared artificially surprised, "I never said you were."

And then, Ben yelled. It was incoherent, full of anger at this creature who forced himself in the young man's mind and into his dreams of grandeur to simply insult him. He gripped his hair, his fingers threaded through the thick locks, and sank to his knees in frustration. Around him, the men and women his dream conjured up flickered and vanished like a hologram shutting itself off, and the ship started sparking as pipes folded themselves and bits of machine crinkled up.

Snoke didn't seem fazed.

When Ben was finished throwing his tantrum, he breathed heavily and practically sobbed out, "I am not… _Weak_."

Snoke appeared mildly amused, "No… No you are not. You are simply… Misguided."

Ben looked up at him in confusion, "What do you mean?"

And then all vanished, and Ben awoke, covered in a thin layer of sweat and his chest heaving as he panted heavily, on the floor of the Jedi temple.

* * *

"Some of the children have been mentioning your recurrence of nightmares, Ben. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

Ben sat with Luke in the meditation room of the temple- surrounding them were shelves packed with books and tomes of ancient Jedi civilizations, Jedi rituals, customs and guides. Far in the back corner of the room, which doubled as a library, was a computer with all of the recovered archives from the destroyed Jedi temple; it didn't contain much, but it offered Ben the recordings of the night of Order 66. Ashamed that he had to be sneaking around to access these tapes (it _was_ his Granddad, after all), Ben often found himself in this room in the middle of the night, watching in awe the tapes of the _true_ Jedi Order, the slaughter that had taken place in the night, driven by a young and strong Sith Lord. Uncle Luke had often used those tapes as a lesson to the older children- Ben didn't know if his uncle knew that he watched them religiously.

"Who's been talking about my dreams?" Ben asked, opening his eyes and breaking his meditation stance to glare at Uncle Luke accusingly.

"I believe I told you who." Luke replied, feigning ignorance.

Ben grit his teeth, "Oh? Afraid I'll go after them while they're tucked away softly on their _mats_?"

Uncle Luke sighed and opened his eyes as well, light blue meeting hooded dark, "Ben, you need to learn how to control your emotions."

 _Oh_ , _of course_ , Ben thought, _this again_.

 _Ben, you have to control your anger._

 _Ben, your Jedi training will be useless if you're controlled by your emotions._

 _Ben, you can't destroy everything when you're mad._

Ben could _hear_ the voices of his mother, of Luke, of… Han Solo, echoing in his head. That's all they ever did- He believed it was a futile attempt by his conscience to make him _feel_ _bad_. These voices, these nagging voices, often clashed with the silky, all-knowing tone of Snoke in his brain.

Ben wondered if he was actually crazy, sometimes, because of all the voices that paraded around in his skull.

Honestly, Ben didn't know if Snoke was even _real_. He figured it seemed like something he would dream up, as a placating figure, a guide down a darker path, to ease his conscience for his dirty little thoughts about the Dark Side.

Ever since that first- well, he didn't know whether to call it a dream or a nightmare, because Snoke seemed very powerful in evoking anger and fear in Ben, no matter the setting or occasion- _vision_ , Snoke had been appearing in his dreams like clockwork. Tempting him with visions of power before ripping it away and insulting his abilities, insulting the Jedi code, and worst of all, calling Ben _weak_. He didn't know the purpose of Snoke's visits, though Ben had admittedly gained more interest in the Dark Side since.

"Why?" Ben asked, eyes burrowing deep into his uncle's. If Luke was unsettled, he didn't show it.

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." Luke quoted Jedi Master Yoda, something he found deep within the archives, although it was common knowledge amongst the remaining Jedi. Ben's face contorted into a snarl and he glared at the floor.

"Tell me something I don't know." Ben replied, clutching his fists. He wondered if there was a way- a way to perfectly balance the light and the dark, to effectively use the Dark Side without falling into suffering, because Ben didn't want to feel _pain_.

Why was he so _weak_?

"It's the truth, Ben." Luke said, his tone urging Ben to meet his eyes so that he could look into them with the Force, see his struggle, see what tempted his nephew so much that he could feel like bleed into the Force like an open wound. Ben may not have been an open book expression-wise, but in his attempted Jedi meditations, when he released his emotions into the Force, all was revealed. Luke knew exactly where to look.

Ben ignored him, focusing his attention on masking his presence in the Force. Luke quietly, slyly, attempted to push his way into his nephew's mind- Because if Ben wasn't going to cooperate when something was clearly wrong, Luke would have to take matters into his own hands. He didn't want to see the only child of his sister and his friend fall down the path of his father.

He felt it, now, more than when he was younger. Ben's hatred, his anger with Leia for acting like nothing was wrong, with Han for leaving him and with the both of them for dumping him on Yavin 4, studying something he quickly found out he had no interest in. He thirsted for power, and Luke could see this when he sparred with his peers because Ben ever so efficiently analyzed them.

Luke _knew_ that if Ben fell to the Dark Side he would be powerful beyond measure. He simply couldn't keep up with the teachings of the Jedi ways- emotions fueled his Force ability, fueled his dueling strategies. Luke was _afraid_.

Ben, clearly feeling the press of Luke against his mind, snapped his eyes up to meet the Jedi Master and stared at him in disbelief, "Get out of my head."

Luke frowned, but didn't retreat, "This is for your own good-"

" _GET OUT OF MY HEAD_!" Ben yelled, jumping to his feet. Around them, the bookshelves rattled, books tumbling from their perches.

Luke, calm façade as ever, took a deep breath and released his frustration and fear into the Force before standing up himself. Ben looked confused, and almost innocent, when Luke walked up to him and placed his hands on Ben's shoulders.

"You need to tell me what you're dreaming about." Luke said forcefully.

Ben shook his head wildly, almost ferociously, and his eyes darted around the Jedi Master's face before reluctantly meeting his eyes, "D-don't try…"

He was cut off when Luke repeated, his eyes burrowing into Ben's, " _You will tell me what you_ ' _re dreaming about_."

"S-stop it!" Ben replied, struggling against Luke's grip. But Luke was older, and stronger, and Ben was weak- Ben was so _weak_ , he couldn't do much of anything but stand there and fustily jerk his arms from his Master's grasp.

 _Fight against him_ , _you weakling_. _He can't trick you_.

Ben felt like sobbing. Luke pressing against his mind was creating too much pain for the boy to handle.

 _You're so weak_.

" _Tell me what you're dreaming about_."

Ben felt his mental shields start to crumble, and tears started to drip from his eyes.

 _If you trained with me, you'll never be weak again_.

"I will," Ben whispered to the voice of Snoke in his mind, before everything went black.

* * *

 **Hmm I hate Luke in this chapter. He's just doing what he thinks he needs to do to keep Ben from turning bad... Too late, Luke! Ben's got Snoke in the brain! (reminder that Luke is an inexperienced Jedi Master, as it is. Whereas someone like Obi Wan or Yoda wouldn't try to invade their student's mind to understand, Luke saw what happened to his father because of the Dark Side and desperately feels the need to keep Ben away from temptation. No matter the cost. _Too bad it only works in Snoke's favour_ ).**

 **Please let me know what you think! And since Fanfiction is bugging out, I can't actually reply to your reviews directly, so I can send over a PM to thank you!**


	3. A Death in the Family

**Hey folks! I'd like to introduce you to a no longer _that_ whiny Ben Solo! **

**Just kidding, he's still a dick.**

 **Oh and Yonda is back. I still hate her, but hey, I mean... Plot devices, right?**

* * *

Chapter Three: A Death in the Family

When Ben awoke again, he was in the dark. He spun around wildly, desperately looking for some sign of life, or light, anything to guide him from the liquid blackness that encased him. Part of Ben wondered if he was in yet another Force dream- he had grown so used to seeing Snoke in his sleeping mind's eye, however, he realized this was something more.

Ben stumbled through the dark, reaching his hands out blindly in front of him, fingers trying to grasp anything he could get his hands on. His steps were unsure, uneasy, and he took only a few of them before realizing he hadn't moved.

He wasn't sure _how_ he knew he didn't move, but he seemed hyperaware of his body being frozen in time.

Suddenly, his ears picked up a faint noise- it was faint and distant, sounding like thumping, coming from behind him (wherever _behind him_ was), and he turned around. Ben reached for his belt and activated his blue lightsaber in an attempt to illuminate what was coming for him. The thumping- it was slow and methodical- grew nearer.

And then he heard the _breathing_. It was mechanical, slow like the thumping he realized were steps, and Ben's face twisted up in a grin. He knew exactly who was to appear to him. He'd studied the tapes a thousand times, watched old holovids of the Empire, he _knew_ who he was about to face.

His idol, the only man he ever recognized as worthy of his admirations- his Granddad, who everyone was afraid Ben would turn out like.

 _Darth Vader_.

Somewhere, from behind the approaching figure, a light turned on. It shone, almost ethereally behind Vader in all of his black suited, masked glory as he approached Ben (who was positive he was staring in shock). Ben quickly deactivated his lightsaber and shoved it in his belt loop.

"Grandad!" Ben almost stuttered, having caught himself before he could embarrass himself. He stared up at the mask before him- Ben was _tall_ but not the near seven feet that Vader provided- taking into account how menacing his Granddad's breathing was up close.

Ben assumed Vader was staring at him through the glossy black lenses that covered his eyes. When Vader didn't reply for a good span of time, Ben stammered and bowed his head, "I apologize, I should have called you Lord Vader-"

"Enough."

Ben's eyes snapped up towards the mask that loomed above him, shocked at hearing the mechanical, deep voice in person.

"You need not apologize to me… Grandson." Vader continued.

Ben let out an uneasy breath of air and was about to speak before he heard another voice, coming from behind him again. It was the same voice he now heard on a daily basis, the same voice that had strayed him from the Light Side now many months ago. Ben turned around, and almost sneered at his teacher, annoyed at the interrupted moment between he and his Granddad, but spoke no words in fear as to how the creature would react.

"He idolizes you, Lord Vader, you know." Snoke said, his voice lilting and almost teasing on Ben's expense, "You're the man he desires to be."

Vader's breathing was the only sound Ben heard for a long beat, until his Granddad spoke, "I am aware."

"He's started training, in secret, the ways of the Dark Side." Snoke continued, "He _thinks_ he can be like _you_."

A low rumble came from Vader, and Ben realized he was laughing. Why was he laughing? His Granddad should be all for him joining the cause, help him along the way and be the only support Ben had in his own family. Vader _knew_ what it was like, to join the Dark Side, he _knew_ what Ben was to face- _why was he laughing_?

"Do you understand the consequences?" Vader asked, his mask- deathly and skull-like, as if Ben were staring up at the Grim Reaper himself (which, in a certain way, he was)- lowered itself to stare intently at Ben. The boy felt uncomfortable, "Do you know what you are to sacrifice? A loving family, to follow the pursuit of power." In a way, Vader's stare was similar to that of Uncle Luke's- somehow, with one glance, he felt like his soul was spilling out of the very pores in his skin.

"They aren't loving!" Ben snapped. "My _father_ ," and he said this word with such condescension that even Snoke was impressed at the hatred that poured off of his 17 year old frame, "left me when I was 8- he was afraid of me! Afraid of what I could do! He's a _coward_!"

"And my daughter?" Vader asked.

Ben wrapped his arms around himself and rubbed his hands up and down his biceps, as if to comfort himself in a time where he had no one, "She doesn't tell me much anymore. I haven't been in contact with her since I left for this wretched Jedi training. She kept things from me, hid things, because she _felt_ it- the Force surrounding me is dark. I know Luke knows it, I know mother knows it. The kids here, they probably feel it too."

"It is because you are more powerful in the Dark than the Light, Grandson." Vader replied. Ben interpreted his voice as to sound _caring_ , and he almost smiled at the way this Force projection of his late Granddad understood him, attended to him- this one meeting with Vader proved to have more of an impact on Ben than his entire 8 years with his parents, and the 9 he'd spent with Uncle Luke.

"Will you guide me? Help me?" Ben wondered, uncertainty clouding his features.

"If that is what you wish." Vader replied, before fading away into the darkness as the light that was shining upon him fluttered out. Ben was left standing in the dark with Snoke in front of him. The individual who had taken Ben under his wing exuded a sort of ghostly glow in this dream, his grey and black body illuminated with a soft blue light. Ben would have felt comforted by it, had he not known this creature, this being, who stood before him, and the atrocities he was surely capable of.

"You will never be like him." Snoke sneered, the skin around his jaw crinkling as if the uplift of the corner of his mouth was foreign to him. Ben noticed now the bacta patches had been removed, and the grafts were finally healed. Snoke also stood freely on his own, without a sort of wavering stance or his large hands grasping on anything to keep him upright. This made Ben uneasy- he wasn't aware of how powerful his… Master (he didn't know _what_ to call him, for the training that Snoke had given him had been rather informal thus far) truly was, "Not unless you cut your ties with everyone you care about. Not until you fully submerge yourself to the Dark Side."

Ben furrowed his brows and felt his breathing speed up, "Why did you bring him here?" He knew Snoke had an alternate motive- each time, in each dream, Snoke had managed to provoke Ben into exploding, and pledging himself further into the creature's service. Having seen (and _talked_ to!) his Granddad, his _only_ idol, couldn't have been a coincidence, not with the emotional manipulation Snoke happened to be so adept in.

"Everything I do has a reason, boy." Snoke replied enigmatically, "And you shall now address me as _Master_ , when I speak to you. From this day forwards, your true training starts." He shimmered away, much like Vader did, and Ben was left alone in the dark once more.

"Yes, Master." Ben murmured, the corners of his lips lifting up. The Jedi wouldn't know what hit them- not with Snoke as his teacher, not with Vader as his guide. Gone was the weak and incompetent Ben Solo, and born was the new Ben Solo, the follower of the Dark Side and the Apprentice of a Sith.

Ben didn't pay much attention to the fact that Vader would have appeared as Anakin Skywalker, had he been an actual Force ghost.

…

Ben attacked Yonda with relentless fury, her makeshift staff a blur in her futile attempt to keep up with her opponent's vicious lightsaber strikes. Ben's saber, blue and thoroughly _unfitting_ for himself, he thought, _at least now it was, with my new training_ , struck the Togruta's green ones, sparks flying as they clashed, Ben's face contorted in focused fury. Ben often fought, now, in his dreams, and then he took the skills he learnt from Snoke and practiced far away from the temple- he really _had_ improved, his Dark Side skills far more accurate and strong than that of the Light, and, somehow, he was able to concentrate better- he honed his emotions and used them as tools to fuel his own natural ability.

He truly believed that Master Snoke was wise, and the method of teaching that Ben was subjected to was extremely effective. However, Snoke was not a master of lightsaber technique, and Ben's form was failing and his lightsaber skill was lacking, despite his attacks being merciless and extremely hard to avoid.

Ben had Yonda in a hold, his lightsaber forced against hers- the green glow of her staff was shining on her face, and, despite the colour of the blade being of the Light Side, it gave her a sickly and ominous glow that Ben took great pleasure in. She was blinking back tears as the sabers she held in her hands grew closer and closer to her face, her arms shaking and Ben's eyes narrowing.

 _Just a bit farther, my apprentice_.

Ben sneered and put more of his weight behind him and now the blue glow of his own blade shone in her face. He noticed sweat start to bead at her forehead, and her eyes darted over to Master Luke's repeatedly, but he was focused on helping a younger and much more vulnerable Jedi Padawan with their blocking form.

Ben was glad that, for once, Uncle Luke wasn't focused on him or his Force presence. He also mentally thanked Master Snoke for teaching him better and more effective mental walls, and now his Force presence was practically invisible.

 _No one is watching you_. _Make it look like an accident_.

 _I'm TRYING_ , Ben mentally snapped back.

A couple of children glanced up, to see the duel out of genuine curiosity, to see more experienced Padawan in action and most were taken aback by the sheer brutality of Ben's aggression that made up for his lack of ability in the sword. A couple of them whispered amongst themselves, wondering if the lack of mercy was actually allowed.

Ben carefully let go of the hilt of his saber, maintaining the hold single-handedly (which caused a look of absolute shock from the Togruta, and some of the kids started whispering more excitedly around him. Ben tuned it out), and reached his hand slowly out towards her sabers. He called upon the Force and asked- no, demanded- the swords to fly out of his opponent's hands out of the area. Ben didn't want them (perhaps as a souvenir, if anything, to show that he finally bested his peers) and wanted them out of the way so he could finish her off quickly.

"BEN SOLO!"

Immediately, Ben's head snapped up to see his furious uncle storming over towards the dueling arena. Ben glanced down at the alien, down his nose towards her, and released his Force grip on her lightsabers. He then backed away, but didn't deactivate his own saber- perhaps Uncle Luke would confiscate it, Ben wondered. At least he wasn't completely powerless, as even Master Snoke said his ability to use the Force was above average.

He was feeling _haughty_ , that day. He felt _cocky_. But even in Ben's self-absorbed state, he realized he couldn't take on Jedi Master Skywalker in a duel.

Out of the corner of Ben's eye, he noticed the Togruta girl scramble away, her lightsabers deactivated and in her belt loops. Ben glanced at his own blade and towards Uncle Luke, who stood in front of him now, his hands on his hips and a look of calm on his face. Of course he'd have released his emotions into the Force. Ben hadn't once seen his uncle angry with him- Luke would chastise him, berate him for certain wrongdoings, but never fully, outright, yell at Ben, or punish him. Ben, however, was practically an open book when it came to emotions such as rage, or fear. Or adoration. He was still slightly mortified at his reaction to seeing _Darth kriffing Vader_ in his dream, and how he had reacted.

 _You stupid kid_ , Ben thought to himself, feeling shame rise up in his throat like bile. He swallowed down the feeling, though, and turned to face his uncle with a look of annoyance plastered on his face.

 _So close_ …

Ben almost wanted to scream 'shut up', but the boy acknowledged that that wouldn't have gone over well with the furious Jedi Master.

"What?" Ben asked, deactivating his blade and angrily shoving it into the belt loop on his robes.

"You know _exactly_ what." Luke nearly snapped at him, and Ben almost laughed. It was the closest thing to a more volatile emotion Ben had ever elicited from him, and it was _beautiful_ , "Come with me." Luke sighed and turned around, heading for the Jedi Temple, and, probably, towards the meditation room, if Ben knew anything about his uncle.

Which, of course, he did. Ben Solo could map out the activities, the feelings that Luke Skywalker did and felt during the day. His uncle was the most predictable individual in the galaxy, and Ben was absolutely sure that he was going to be called into the meditation room where Uncle Luke would give Ben a strictly worded chastising and confiscate the very few privileges he had for a short amount of time, and then both of them would be on their merry way.

What happened, however, was an entirely different story, and Ben couldn't have predicted Uncle Luke's actions for the life of him.

Ben followed Luke into his own personal chambers, which, as Ben assumed, had very little but a mat and some communication computers. The way of the Jedi was a lonely, meaningless one, that Ben wanted nothing to do with anymore. Luke went over to the computers silently and turned them on, one by one, and they booted up slowly as if they were ancient. Luke then typed in something that Ben couldn't see, and Ben found himself impatiently looking around the drab, all beige, prison-like cell Uncle Luke called a room.

There really wasn't all that much to look at.

"…sending him home." Ben barely caught the trail end of what Uncle Luke was saying and he turned around abruptly to see a holo of his mother, her face now covered in worry lines and her clothes resembling more of that of an officer's.

" _What_?" Ben exclaimed, "You're-You're kicking me _out_?" That wasn't the Uncle Luke that Ben knew, the one who took second and third chances because he witnessed the so-called reformation of Granddad, the one who prided himself in being the beacon of hope for the lost-causes. In all entirety, though, Ben didn't know why he felt so… Cheated. He didn't want to be on Yavin 4 anymore, but neither did he want to be at home, with his mother, or spend time on the Rebellion's base (especially now that he was being trained in secret by a member of the Dark Side). For the past years, the Jedi temple had been his only home, one filled with brothers and sisters whom he distrusted and despised and a father-figure who failed to inspire him, but a home nonetheless. Ben wasn't sure what he'd do now.

"You tried to hurt Yonda." Luke replied, his voice monotone, "Force, I believe you even could have killed her. I have _never_ seen your temper like that, Ben. It was… Controlled, and directed. I don't want to know what you've been practicing in secret, when you run off into the woods midday and come back late at night, but this incident today… You aren't the Ben Solo I trained."

"That Ben Solo was eight years old, Luke." Ben sneered, explicitly using the lack of 'uncle' in front of the name. He opened his mouth to speak further, to plead his case a bit more, but his mother interrupted him almost immediately, her face appalled and, frankly, disgusted. Ben didn't know how he felt seeing such an expression on his mother's face.

"Ben!" His mother said from the computer, her voice cracking with the enraged, high pitch it attained, "What have you been _doing_ here? You were supposed to train to become a Jedi- to… To control your abilities."

"I _have_ been, mother." Ben snapped, "It's not my fault that the useless Jedi can't properly teach me!"

Luke stared at him in disbelief and Leia gasped, turning away from her son for a moment before turning back around to face him. Her expression was set, jaw locked and eyes determined, "You are coming _home_ , Ben."

"The Rebellion is not my home." Ben replied, slowly and concisely, "But I'll find my own way back."

Leia shook her head and the hologram shut itself off.

…

Ben wasn't planning on returning. Not yet, at least. Nonetheless, he still had no idea as to how he was going to find his way off of Yavin 4. The jungle planet, aptly named, was large but rather empty, and that was why the old (and now _new_ ) Jedi temple was built from stones and mud on it. Yavin 4 was backwater, far off in the Outer Rim where very few people knew how to get to- or, perhaps, that it was even on a map- which was both beneficial and tedious. Ben loved how secluded most areas were, and he could travel for an hour and the flora would be thick enough to hide him and his nasty Dark Side training from the rest of the tribe of idiots that were the Jedi. It was, however, practically impossible to leave the planet, and Ben found this… Angering.

Perhaps he had spoken too soon, in Luke's chambers, before his mother hung up on him in her disappointment. He _really_ could have used a transport to the Rebellion, and then, somehow, perhaps stealing an X-wing and fly off planet to Force knew where. Had he done that, he could have easily contacted Snoke and inquired about his base to continue his training in more depth. Had he done that, Ben wouldn't have been sitting on a small island, about a day's walk from the Jedi temple, fuming and staring at the sky, expecting some type of miracle.

" _Damn_ it!" Ben yelled, picking up a stone and angrily chucking it into a tree. The results were unsatisfying, as it just… Bounced off.

 _Childish tantrums do not get you off of a planet, young Solo_.

Ben raised his hand and knocked on it a couple of times, wincing at the pain, "Master Snoke- Please." His irritation, Ben assumed, was palpable to even his Master, who was on who knew what planet off in the farthest outer reaches of the galaxy. Ben scowled even more as he heard the dry chuckle from the creature in the depths of his mind.

 _Have you considered this a test_?

"Some test." Ben grunted, and heaved himself into a standing position. He stared off into the jungle, his eyes squinting- he realized just how strange he sounded, talking to himself, but he continued, "Would you… Consider giving me a hint?"

 _I am the Supreme Leader of a new Order_. _I can easily make it a mission of one of the many pilots to retrieve you_.

Ben blinked, and furrowed his eyebrows. Master Snoke- or, should he now say, Supreme Leader Snoke- was the commander of a legion of soldiers? Ben knew this creature was full of surprises, and many were undesirable and proved to be extremely _painful_ , but he never expected something to this level of grandiose.

"What do you mean by a new order?" Ben asked, addressing the question that intrigued him the most. It sounded sinister, and well-put together, something able to rival the Rebellion with weapons like the Death Star and TIE-fighters built to withstand attacks of all sorts. Ben regarded Snoke as wise, his teachings modeling what he idealized the Jedi training to be like, and Ben knew his abilities had expanded beyond what they started out as. Therefore, the boy automatically assumed that anything led by Master Snoke would be led to victory, because he tolerated nothing less.

 _We are known as the First Order_.

Ben's eyes widened. He knew the First Order- his mother, the now-general of the Rebellion, had only started to worry about it when he was 8, and the threats the First Order had delivered to the Senate and the destruction of planets and Alliance ships had caused a stir among the worlds when Ben was 10, or so. He heard Luke speak about the ill intentions they had, continuing the legacy of the Galactic Empire with their eradication of the Jedi and their attempted conquer of the galaxy. Ben hadn't originally paid them much thought, his focus on the Force ability he was merely starting his training in at the time, but now… Now Master Snoke had struck an interest in him.

"I know of the First Order." Ben replied.

 _Good_. _I desire your allegiance_.

"Of course." Ben spoke before his brain could process what his desired response would be, and smiled when Snoke replied with:

 _Be prepared for a shuttle to land to your exact coordinates_. _We shall discuss your role when you arrive_.

…

Not hours later, and the sky had turned dark on Yavin 4, Ben heard the sound of a ship. He glanced up, his head pounding from the sun he had subjected himself to causing his eyes to squint despite the lack of a sun, and noticed a few stars in the sky covered by an equal and intimidating blackness as the void surrounding them. The sounds grew louder- engines roared and air bristled as a command shuttle lowered itself into a clearing by where Ben stood. As soon as the sounds died down, and the noise that indicated an opening of a hatch cut through the silence, Ben started walking.

He hadn't a clue as to what to expect- in his mind, he went back to the first Force dream he had, and thought of the admirals and lieutenants on the Star Destroyer, picturing the individuals on the shuttle wearing their sleek black uniforms with the strange explosion symbol, acknowledging Ben as more powerful that they while they invited him on board. They would listen to him, and answer any questions he had around the location of Snoke's lair and about the First Order.

Instead, when he approached the ship, he noticed a tall man, slightly older than he, with striking red hair and blue eyes that showed nothing but authority, standing on the platform.

Instantly, Ben didn't like him. He was pompous, and held himself like he was some sort of general. His expression seemed to scream 'the galaxy belongs to _me_ ', and his nose was slightly crinkled as if he was smelling something nasty continuously.

"Ben Solo." The man said, his tone dripping with disdain.

Ben glared at him and snapped, "Yes," before stepping up onto the platform with every intention of shoving the man aside. However, the man merely held up a gloved hand, holding it out in front of Ben, and the boy halted.

"I am Commander Hux, and I have been assigned to transport you from this… _Disgusting_ planet to the Supreme Leader Snoke." The man spoke, and Ben bristled with indignation. _Who does this guy think he is_? He was no Jedi, no Force wielder, and, from Ben's perspective, that made him a lower class than he- Ben was talented in ways so few were. This man, this _commander_ , was just that- mortal.

Ben knew he transcended mortality.

"Yes, thank you, now let me on." Ben used the Force to push his hand away, and Hux's expression was appalled, his mouth gaping enough to seem natural- but Ben could sense his emotions through the Force. He was feeling _exactly_ the same as how Ben felt.

"Show some respect! I am a commander of an entire squadron of TIE-fighters, and am in line to become general!" Hux snarled, before adding in a lower tone (but not low enough that Ben hadn't heard it), "Not the transporter for some jungle trash."

Ben chose to ignore him and stormed onto the ship- he hoped this was the last he'd ever see of the so-called commander. He'd only spoken to Hux for a few moments and already he pushed all of Ben's buttons.

Hux boarded moments after, his face contorted into a scowl, and angrily sat himself down in the pilot's seat, commencing take-off procedures and pressing thousands of buttons and switches that Ben had no idea how to work.

Partly, Ben wished he had taken up Han's offer to teach him to fly- Ben was hopeless when it came to mechanics, and didn't know his way around a command station or any sort of space-vehicle. The only thing he barely knew how to make was a lightsaber hilt, and, of course, that was also extremely pitiful. He had inherited one of his uncle's lightsabers, a plain one with no special buttons or fancy contraptions, and a blue blade he needed to destroy as soon as he found himself a new crystal.

The boy found himself sitting between two Stormtroopers for the flight- a journey that Hux had announced to be 'Roughly a day's worth of travel'- and Ben felt the oddity of being in the center of what, essentially, were two relics of a past thought lone gone. Ben, taller than the two, noticed that they continuously glanced up towards him, and then at each other, for a good while.

"Are you a Jedi?" One asked.

" _No_." Ben snarled.

No one spoke another word the entire flight.

…

"Where did he _go_ , Luke?" Leia demanded, slamming her hands on the command portal, jarring the hologram of her brother. She was furious- Luke's message was tentative and nervous and Leia _knew_ exactly why he didn't want to notify her.

Her son had disappeared.

She had no idea where, Luke had no idea where, but he had traversed the entire planet gone off searching for him. There was no trace of him, like he'd just vanished. Luke was ashamed, and, honestly, terrified of Leia's reaction- she was so volatile when it came to her family.

"I don't know, Leia." Luke's eyes were downcast, avoiding meeting his sister's, "I looked after you said he hadn't shown up, yet. He's not here."

"How could he leave!? I sent one of my best pilots out to pick him up! He's got to be on Yavin 4 still!" Leia insisted, her hands clutched into fists and her heart pounding in her ears.

Luke shook his head and muttered, "He severed my Force connection with him. You might still be able to reach him, but I can't." He then shut off the hologram, his face reddening with shame as he exited his own chambers on Yavin 4 to resume whatever training he could manage that day, and Leia was left in the Rebellion base with tears threatening to spill over and worry etching its way slowly into her soul. She ran a hand over her hair, smoothing it back, and a thumb under her eyes to catch any stray tears before blinking them back.

She was no longer Leia the mother, but General Organa, and she exited the communications room with a stride that spoke authority and an expression to match. She would contact Luke later, tomorrow or a few days from now, and demand him to broaden his mental search. For now, she would talk to her best pilots and make them fly around Yavin 4 and surrounding planets for any possible life signals.

She stormed to the hangar, each stride filled with new purpose. _Ben would be found_! _Ben would come home, Ben would be found_. _Ben would come home and then_ Han _would return_.

 _Han_ , Leia thought, and felt herself getting both misty eyed and furious at the same time. How dare he leave her alone, when Ben (and her) needed him most! He was never to be counted on, never to be relied on! He was…

Oh, who was Leia kidding- she was still in love with him.

All of the present pilots saluted her and she waved her hand, allowing them to relax. Her best pilot, a member of a squadron of X-wing fighters, smiled when she approached him. Poe Dameron was his name, and he was barely older than Ben himself. Poe was an emerging pilot, straight from the academy, and she immediately took him under her wing when he arrived, for it was right after Ben had left for Yavin 4 and his Jedi training. She treated Poe much like she would have treated Ben.

The 19 year old saluted her and initially had a boyish smile brightening his face- until he saw Leia's grave look, "General?" He asked.

"Poe," Leia started, staring at him directly in his eyes. If he was uncomfortable, or nervous, he showed nothing, "I have a request for you."

Poe nodded immediately, "Of course!"

"I want you to find my son."

…

"Ben Solo," Supreme Leader Snoke sat on a throne, in the center of a very large and empty room, hunched over with gnarled fingers wrapped around the arm rests. His black eyes stared intently down at the boy who kneeled at his feet- the boy who had willingly turned his soul over to the very individual who had tempted him with the Dark Side and won. Snoke felt pride, and control, over this young man. He was 17, only, and extremely powerful in the Force, with connections that existed in the Light and the Dark. This intrigued the Supreme Leader, because he knew (even though Ben did not) that the boy remained loyal to his mother, and held feelings for his estranged father- so even though his ties to the Light Side were not strong, they existed. This made the boy more powerful… He had so much to lose.

Then there was the whole idea about his Granddad- Darth Vader was the man who Ben desired to be like, not Anakin Skywalker, and Snoke didn't know whether or not Ben understood that Vader had rejoined the Light at the time of his death. Vader was a good role model, if the Supreme Leader wanted a servant and lapdog… He would nurture this obsession, he would find Vader's old helmet at offer it to Ben as a gift, for choosing the right side.

Now there was the issue with his name. Ben Solo held too much reminder of the past, and Snoke desired it changed. He would let Ben choose anything he wanted, create a new persona, start over completely. Ben Solo would exist no longer.

"I wish to train you as a member of my Knights of Ren." Snoke continued, coaxing Ben, taunting him with illusions of power, "You are capable of becoming their leader, their master."

Ben looked up and met Snoke's eyes, "What are the Knights of Ren?"

"They are an organization, under my command, of the Dark Side. Dark Jedi, if you will. Powerful enough to become Sith. They are, in essence, a miniature army." Snoke leaned forwards, "They would be at your disposal, to do with as you wish."

"And you will train me to lead them?" Ben asked.

"You would be the master of the Knights of Ren, yes."

Ben felt a smile open up on his face as he nodded, "I pledge myself to your teachings, Master."

Snoke stood, slightly unsteady on his feet, and approached the kneeling Ben in front of him. He placed a hand on Ben's shoulder and said, "Welcome, my apprentice." Ben barely noticed it, but he believed he saw a smirk pull at the corner of the Supreme Leader's mouth. Ben felt pride surge in him.

Ben motioned to stand, but Snoke was unnaturally strong for one so slightly built, and his hand held the boy down until Ben got the hint. Ben frowned, wondering what would be required of him now.

"It is tradition," Snoke said, "For apprentices of the Dark Side to take upon themselves a new name. To break ties with their old lives, and start new."

Ben nodded, admired by the wise old creature who stood before him. Of course- Ben would never want to be known was a… A Knight of Ren with the name "Ben Solo". Ideally, he'd love something menacing, something that would scare people without him even being around. He tempted the idea in his head, the idea of something intimidating like 'Darth Vader', though he knew that was only for Sith Lords.

"I understand." Ben said, slowly, his mind deep in the recesses of his brain. This would be his moniker, his pseudonym- it needed to be thought out and clever. Ben wanted to be known by this name, and now _only_ this name. He would rise above the rubble that was Ben Solo. Ben Solo would be no longer.

"What is your choice?" Snoke asked, a subtle urgency behind his calm tone.

"Kylo," Ben spoke after a long pause, "Kylo Ren." He didn't know why he chose that- perhaps the combination of S _ky_ walker and So _lo_ , to remind him of his hatred for his father, which would fuel his abilities in the Dark Side, and Ren to suggest his allegiance to the secretive Knights of Ren, but as soon as it rolled off of his tongue, Ben knew it was right.

"Welcome, Kylo Ren, to the First Order."

Kylo bowed and smiled, "Thank you, Master."

No one had mourned for Ben Solo that day, for only Snoke and Kylo knew he was dead.

* * *

 **Did it seem awkward in any places? Please let me know! I didn't know exactly how to introduce irl Snoke and also Hux (because Kylo/Hux animosity is 2 gud) so I... Tried?**

 **This chapter may be 5000 and some words, but it just wasn't my favourite. I still find it slightly awkward in places, and I did _a lot_ of editing.**

 **Let me know how you like it! Please, I love reviews. They make me so happy. That's why I post my stories :)**


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